[00:00] Dr. Gary Chapman: Love is the choice. See, if you understand the concept and you make the choice, I’m not going to speak their love language, then you’re making the choice to live with a person who has an empty love table. It’s a poor choice, but it’s your choice. I’ve often said, I’m giving you information I can’t give you.

[00:23] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Welcome to another episode of Success Through Failure. This is your host, Jim Harshaw Jr. And today I bring you Dr. Gary Chapman written more than two decades ago with more than 20 million copies in print. The Five Love Languages is known. Worldwide and has become a cultural phenomenon with its popularity recently exploding on social media.

[00:46] Specifically TikTok, the concept continues to help strengthen marriages around the world as couples learn to better communicate by speaking each other’s love language. The book is so popular, it’s been on the New York Times best sellers list since get. 2007 and it’s been translated into over 50 languages.

[01:06] That’s insane. This book is just a cultural phenomenon. It’s something that you and I have always heard of probably for years and years. I bring you the originator of it. The guy who actually discovered these languages and still talks about them today worldwide. He is the Director of Marriage and Family Consultants Inc.

[01:24] And he travels the world presenting seminars and his radio programs air on more than 350 radio stations. Let’s get into it with my interview with Dr. Gary Chapman. Where did the five Love Languages come from?

[01:39] Dr. Gary Chapman: They actually grew out of my counseling over many years, but I’ll tell you the first time, it dawned on me that what makes one person feel alive doesn’t make another person feel loved.

[01:50] Couple came in, I didn’t know them, never met them. They sat down and after she told me some of the positive things about their relationship, She started crying and she said, But the problem is I don’t feel any love coming from him. She said, I just feel empty inside, and I don’t know how long I could go on like this.

[02:09] I looked at him and he said, I don’t understand her. I do everything I can to show her that I love her. I said, Well, what do you do? He said, Well, I get home from work before she does. I start the evening. Sometimes I have it ready when she gets home. If not, she’ll help me. We eat. After we eat, I wash the dishes and every Thursday I vacuum the floor.

[02:31] And on Saturday I wash the car, I mow the grass, I help her with the laundry, and he went on. I was beginning to wonder, what does this woman do? It sounded to me like I said, he was doing everything. He said, I do all of that. And she says she doesn’t feel loved. He said, I don’t know what else to do. And she said, he’s.

[02:51] He’s a hard-working man, but we don’t ever talk. We haven’t talked in 20 years. He’s always mulling the grass, washing the dishes, vacuuming the floors, and I realize here was a sincere husband doing everything he knew to do to show his wife that he loved her, and a wife who didn’t get it. And after that, I heard similar stories over and over in my office.

[03:15] So what I did, Jim eventually, was to sit down and read several years of notes that I made when I was counseling and ask myself the question when someone said, I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me. What did they want? What were they complaining about? And their answers fit under five categories. And I later called them the five love languages and I started using the concept, If you want her to feel love, you’ve gotta learn to speak love in her language, and if you want him to feel love, you’ve gotta do, learn his language.

[03:45] So that’s where it came from, you know? Then I started using with small groups, and probably five years later I decided if I could put this in a book. Maybe I could help a lot of couples. I would never have time to see my office. Of course, I had no idea the book would sell now 20 million copies and be translated and published in over 50 languages around the world, all of which blows my mind.

[04:09] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: That is absolutely incredible. I mean, you’ve absolutely changed a lot of lives. I just got off of a call with a small group of my clients and everybody in the group is familiar with the love languages. Many of them have read the Love Languages book. I talk about it, I have shared the test with them, et cetera, the quiz, and, and they’ve all taken it.

[04:28] So can you share with us what are the five love languages?

[04:31] Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, one of these are no particular order, but words of Affirm. You look nice in that outfit. Appreciate what you did. Just looking for things you can verbalize to them. You can, I guess you could also write them, , I guess you could sing them, but choosing words, uh, to communicate what you see of value in them.

[04:50] And then, uh, acts of service doing something for them that you know they would like for you to do. That’s what the gentleman was doing. I was just talking about. He was washing dishes and vacuum floors and all this stuff. You remember the old saying, action speaks louder than words. If this is their language actions, we’ll speak louder than words, and then there’s gifts.

[05:09] It’s universal to give gifts as an expression of love. My academic background before I studied counseling was anthropology, cultural anthropology. I did an undergrad at a masters. We’ve never discovered a culture anywhere in the world where gift-giving is not an expression. . The gift says they were thinking about me, Look what they got from me.

[05:29] And then there’s quality time giving the other person your undivided attention. That’s what the lady I just talked about. That’s what she was asking for when she said, We don’t ever talk. She didn’t mean they didn’t discuss logistics, you know, where do you wanna go for dinner? That kind of stuff. She meant we don’t ever sit down and share our hearts and lives with each other.

[05:49] We don’t ever give each other our full attention. And then the last one is physical touch. And, and we’ve long known that the emotional power of physical touch, that’s why we pick up babies and hold them and kiss them and cuddle them. And long before the baby understands the meaning of the word, love the baby feels love by touch.

[06:05] So those are the five basic, uh, love languages that I. Do you mind sharing what yours is? Minus words of affirmation? Let me tell you about my early marriage, because I would give her words of affirmation because that’s my language. So I just assumed if I give her words, you know, she’s gonna feel up. And one night, not too far into our marriage, she’d say, You know, you keep on saying, I love you, I love you, I love you.

[06:29] If you love me, why don’t you help me? And I said, What? What are, what are you talking? She said, Well, you don’t ever offer to wash dishes or vacuum floors or clean toilets. And I didn’t say this, but I was thinking, Woman, what you talking about? My mama did that, You know, cause we bring our history with us.

[06:49] You know, I expect her to do what my mama did. And she said, You know, if you really love me, I think you’d be offering to help me. I said, Well, yeah, I can do that. I said, I, you know, and so I, I started washing the dishes, which I knew how to do, and I, I told her, I said, I don’t know how to clean the toilet.

[07:05] And she said, Well, I can teach you. But anyway, I started doing, you know, acts of service for her and then she started giving me words of affirmation, you know, and she hadn’t been giving me any ki, I guess she assumed I wasn’t worthy of anything. You know, so.

[07:23] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Quick interruption. Hey, if you like what you’re hearing, be sure to get the notes, quotes, and links in the action plan from this episode.

[07:30] Just go to JimHarshawJr.com/action. That’s JimHarshawJr.com/action to get your free copy of the action plan. Now, back to the show. There’s such a disconnect, it seems like. I mean, when you learn about the love languages, it’s, it seems so obvious. It’s such a simple but powerful concept, but we don’t realize this on their own.

[07:52] But when you read the book and you learn about the love languages, it’s, it’s just transformative and, and you understand that, you know, my love language is, Like, just like yours, words of affirmation. So if you can tell me how great I am at some point in this episode, I appreciate that. And I’ll tell you the same thing.

[08:07] And my wife’s hers is quality time. So question for you, and this will be my own little personal counseling session that the listeners get to listen in on. So words of affirmation, you know, is telling her how great she was for years before I learned about the five love languages and none of it resonated with her.

[08:22] She still, she could care less if I tell her how great she is. It’s like, I can’t remember. I think it might be her bottom, her last one. And for me, quality time is my bottom Now, like you’ve said, and, and you know, before, and, and maybe you can expound upon this, like everybody. Has all of these five love languages.

[08:41] It’s some level. And so for me, you know, we have, we have four kids. It’s very busy and I think all the listeners can, can resonate with this. Like life is very busy. So if you have somebody with quality time as their love language and you don’t have a whole lot of time, how do you satisfy that? Because you’re pulled in a million different directions.

[08:59] You’re running kids to practices and, and everything else. How do you satisfy that?

[09:03] Dr. Gary Chapman: I think the first thing you have to do is clarify. What I call the dialect of that language each, just like in spoken language, we all have dialects. Okay. I’m from North Carolina, so I have a dialect. Well, so if it’s quality time, it’s things like honey.

[09:20] What are the kind of things that would be most meaningful to you? Is it taking a walk together as we talk? You know, or you wanna sit down every day for 10 minutes or 15 minutes and just have a conversation. What, what kind of quality time is most meaningful to you? And she’ll share that with you. You know, then at least you know, with what time you do have, you know how to invest it in the best possible way.

[09:43] And here’s the other factor, the love language that you’re number five, that is least important for you. And if it’s number one for her, it’s gonna be a learning curve. because it doesn’t come natural for you at all. And as you say, if it’s quality time, where am I gonna find quality time? But I think if we understand this, if I want my spouse to feel loved, then I must choose to learn how to speak their love language.

[10:10] And if it’s quality time, then I’ve gotta look at my life and ask where do I need to draw back on some things that I’ll have time to meet her need for love? Because I. And I think most people agree that one of the deepest emotional needs we have as humans is the need to feel loved by the significant people in their lives.

[10:31] And if you’re married, the person you would most like to love you is your spouse. If you feel love by your spouse, it’s much easier to work out the conflicts. It’s much easier to solve everything else that comes along the way. But if you don’t feel. You feel like they don’t love me, they wish they weren’t married to me.

[10:49] Life begins to look pretty dark. So if you make it a priority, once you get the concept, I wanna learn my spouse’s primary love language, and I wanna learn how to speak it and speak it on a regular basis. You’re setting yourself up to have a successful marriage.

[11:06] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: And once you learn these, there’s this information you get.

[11:10] And we all have information overload these days and we don’t do much with it. But you’re saying you actually have to do something with it. So are there any partner skills, other skills that would accompany this? Well, because just because you take the quiz doesn’t mean you’re gonna put this stuff to work.

[11:27] I mean, how. Make sure that we’re putting this stuff to work, not just like in the 24 hours after we take the quiz, or maybe the next week or maybe after we have a discussion with it about our spouse, but what about a week later, a month later, a year later? How do we make sure we’re putting this stuff to work?

[11:44] Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah. Well, you know, love is a choice. In fact, I had a guy say to me, he said, Doc, Chairman, my wife and I read your book. We took the quiz, and her love language is acts of service. But I’ll tell you and. If it’s going to take my washing dishes and my vacuuming floors for her to feel loved, she can forget that and I see it.

[12:04] That’s your choice. If you choose to live with a wife who has what I call an empty love tank, that’s your choice. I said I much prefer to live with a wife who has a full love tank. I said, I’ve lived with both same woman, early years, empty love tank, later years full of tank. I much prefer the latter woman, but love is a choice.

[12:26] You see, if you understand the concept and you make the choice, I’m not going to speak their love language, then you’re making the choice to live with a person who has an empty love time. It’s a poor choice, but it’s your choice. I’ve often said, I’m giving you information. I can’t give you motivation. I sometimes share, Jim, with what turned my life around my motivation is because I didn’t know anything about love languages when we got married at all.

[12:53] In fact, I didn’t know much at all when we got married, , and we had lots and lots of struggles in our, in our marriage relationship. And I was actually enrolled in seminary when we got married, studying to be a pastor, and I was miserable in my. And I was eventually saying to myself and later to God, I don’t know.

[13:12] I don’t see how this can work. I don’t see how I can ever get up and preach hope to people when I’m miserable in my marriage. One day I just finally said, God, I don’t know what else to do. I’ve done everything I know to do. It’s not getting any better. And when I said that, the came to my mind a visual image of Jesus on his knees washing the feet of his disciples.

[13:33] You, you’ve probably read that account. I just heard God say that’s the problem in your. You don’t have the attitude of Christ. Uh, cause he got up after he, after he washed their feet, he stood up and said, You call me leader. That’s correct. But in my kingdom, this is the way you lead. A leader serves . And I knew that was not my attitude.

[13:54] My attitude was, you know, look, we can have a good marriage. If you’ll listen to me, I know how to have one, you know, . And she wouldn’t listen to me and I blamed her for our poor marriage. But that day I had a different message and I, I just said, Lord, forgive. Forgive me, I’ve missed the whole point. And I said, Give me the attitude of Christ toward her.

[14:15] And in retrospect, it’s the greatest prayer I ever prayed about my marriage because God changed my heart and I just, And three questions. Jim made this practical for me when I was willing then to ask these three questions. Our marriage began to change. First question was, Honey, what can I do to help? It’s a simple question, What can I do to help you?

[14:34] Second question, How can I make your life easier? How can I make your life easier? And my third question was, How can I be a better husband? And when I was willing to ask those three questions, she freely gave me answers, , and I started doing those things and her whole attitude toward me. Now. See, looking back on that, her answers were telling me her life language.

[14:58] I didn’t know the concept at that time, but her answers were telling me what would make her feel up. That’s why I say love is an attitude, and love is a choice. And if we choose to have an attitude of, I’m in this relationship to do everything I can to enrich your. And then you learn what will enrich their life and you choose to do it.

[15:18] But that’s what turned my memory age around.

[15:21] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: And for the listener, what Dr. Chapman is talking about right here is not waking up and doing the same thing. Tomorrow in your relationship in relationships, just because that’s what you did today and, and in doing the same thing today, for no better reason than that’s what I did yesterday.

[15:39] He’s talking about stepping out of the rat ray, stepping off of the treadmill of life and asking yourself questions. And Dr. Chapman, my listeners, a long time listeners especially know exactly what I’m gonna say. But the whole concept of what we’re talking about here is, is hitting the pause button and we, we call this a productive pause.

[15:57] And a productive pause is defined as this. It’s a short period of focused reflection around specific questions that leads to clarity of action and peace of mind. And listeners, when you ask these three simple questions, you’re gonna have clarity of action. And peace of mind. It’s gonna change your relationship, but you actually have to do it.

[16:18] Like you can’t just listen to this podcast episode and then, you know, when you’re done with a podcast episode, go back to checking emails and going back to the way life was. No, you actually have to schedule this. You have to plan, you have to set a reminder on your phone. You have to, you know, download the action plan from this episode, or write down these notes real quickly in your phone or wherever, however you can do this to make sure you.

[16:40] Do this productive pause cuz it can change your life just like it changed. Dr. Chapman’s marriage. Do these love languages change over time?

[16:50] Dr. Gary Chapman: I think our primary love language tends to stay with us throughout life. Having said that, however, I think there may well be seasons of life or circumstances. That another love language may jump to the top.

[17:07] For example, a mother who has two preschool children, acts of service may not have been her primary love language, but during those years, it’s likely going to jump to the top because she’s overwhelmed with taking care of two preschool children. And so our circumstances, for example, if your spouse receives word on the phone that a family member has died, Physical touch may not be their primary language, but at that moment you are hugging them and letting them cry in your arms is probably the best thing you can do to communicate love to them.

[17:42] So, as I said, I think it tends to stay with us, but there may be seasons of life and circumstances where another love language may jump to the top. You

[17:51] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: also have the love languages for. Family for teenagers, for friendships, and even in the workplace. Do you see common themes? Like does one person who has say, acts of service as their love language with their spouse, is it the same at work? Is it the same in a friendship, or do you see differences there?

[18:11] Dr. Gary Chapman: I think when it comes to family and close friends, your love language tends to be the same, but in the workplace. It may well be different. You know, we wrote the book, uh, well do it with Dr. Paul White, who’s a psychologist who had 20 years experience in business and we called it the five Languages of Appreciation in the workplace.

[18:33] We use a different word, and we found that only about a 36% correlation, by which I mean that if they knew their love language in the marriage and family relationship. It was only 36% of the people had the same appreciation language at work for the rest of the people. It was different because, let’s face it, family relationships are different from work relationships.

[18:57] And that’s why we use the word appreciation rather than love. But it’s the same basic need. It’s the need to feel that I am valued as a person, um, not just a cog in the machine at this company, I’m valued as a person. So we’ve said, don’t. That if you know your love language in a family relationship, it will be the same at work because it may not be, and there’s a different quiz for that.

[19:20] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Yeah, and for the listener, all the quizzes are available on the website, which is five love languages.com, and you can find all the quizzes there. They’re really great and simple and extremely

[19:32] Dr. Gary Chapman: powerful. You know, this particular quiz on the workplace with the. You get a code and it gives you a free printout, but the others love language is free.

[19:42] In fact, they told me, Jim the other day, 80 million people have taken that couple’s quiz. Wow. 80 million. I told my publisher, I said, You guys should have been charging dollar a piece, you know. And they said, No, no. We’re just trying to help people get it. You know, and I appreciate.

[20:01] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Well, Five Love languages has been popular for decades now, but there’s been a recent spike in people taking the quiz and posting it on social media.

[20:09] I know TikTok in particular, why do you think this has been so popular for so

[20:14] Dr. Gary Chapman: long? You know, you’re right. The original book’s been out 30 years now, and every year it sells more than the year before. Which doesn’t happen to Books . I think the fact that it does address this deep emotional need that we have as humans, and I think people read it.

[20:31] They take the quiz, they learn each other’s language, they start speaking it. Then they want their brother and his wife to read the book, their sister and her husband, their mother and their daddy. So it’s kind of gone. Word of mouth, you know, all over the world. And once it’s got out there, then. You know, other people started picking up on it and using it in other, other formats.

[20:52] In fact, I’ve seen a number of signs that say, you know, my sixth love language is tacos, or My six love language is set. But

[21:01] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: you know, Oh yeah, no, it’s a cultural thing now. Yeah. You started something that is, uh, in the fabric of America now in the world. Let’s talk about failure for couples who feel like maybe.

[21:13] That moment of failure right now, and maybe they’re at the edge of their relationship and they just feel like there’s nowhere else to turn, then this can’t continue and, and they feel like they’ve failed at this for so long. I mean, how do you approach failure in a marriage? What are your thoughts on it?

[21:31] How do you reconcile failure and mistake?

[21:35] Dr. Gary Chapman: First of all, I have great empathy for couples who are saying to me in my office, we just don’t have any hope for our marriage anymore. Too much has happened. It’s gone on too long, and it’s just no hope. Because I remember back when I didn’t have any hope. You know, I shared that earlier.

[21:50] I didn’t have any hope in my, I just thought it’s never gonna work out. So I often say to them, you know, after they tell me their story, I said, I can understand why you would feel that way, because you put a lot of effort in. You’ve tried and everything you’ve tried hasn’t worked. And so I said, I can understand that.

[22:08] I said, So what about this? What if you go for a little while on my hope, because I have hope for you. I’ve been working with couples now for 40 years and I’ve had a lot of them who had no hope and I’ve seen their marriage. Radically changed. So I have hope for you. So if you’re willing to go on my hope for a while and meet with me and try some of the things that we talk about in the counseling sessions.

[22:36] Let’s try that. If you’re open to that, I said, Now if you don’t want to, it’s fine. You don’t have to counsel with me. But if you want to, and if they’re willing to go on my hope, you know, say, Well this guy believes something could happen here. , I’ve seen marriages change. It doesn’t happen overnight, but as we deal with one thing and then another thing and another thing and another thing, and particularly once the early on, I tried to get the love language concept in there and, and before the love language concept really.

[23:03] It’s apologizing to tear down the wall that’s been built between them. You know? And I, one of the things I encourage is I put you in separate rooms and I want to give you about 15 minutes or 20 minutes. And I want you just to think, where am I failing in this marriage? And you write down whatever comes to your mind.

[23:21] Cause see, most of them, and most of us think the real problems with the other person, if they had just changed this, this, this, and this, and things would be better, you know? Okay. That’s what we normally think, but we’re not perfect. And most people agree with that. Well, I know I’m not Perfect. Okay, well, let’s sit down and take time.

[23:39] The pause you talked about and let’s just think and, and if you have a relationship with God, ask God to show you, where am I failing in this relationship? And write ’em down. And then confess them to God as being wrong and accept his forgiveness. Then go to your spouse and say, Of course, in the counseling, I’m getting both of ’em to do it.

[23:59] Sometimes it’s just one person that’s willing to do this, but eventually you go to your spouse and say, I’ve been thinking about us and I know I’ve been on your case a lot and told you what’s wrong with you, but I ask God to show me where I’m failing. And I’ve got a pretty good list here, and if you’re open, I’d like to share it.

[24:19] And ask you if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. And I can’t guarantee they will forgive you quickly. Or they may even say, I don’t want to hear you list. But they’re gonna walk away and think to themselves, Boy, this is different. They’ve always told me what’s wrong with me? Now they wanna tell me what’s wrong with them.

[24:35] This is different. So your behavior can touch them whether they begin to think differently about their relationship. So, and then you get that done, kind of tear the wall down, at least on your. And then start speaking their love language. You’re influencing them in a powerful, positive way. It’s so hard to apologize.

[24:53] So many people struggle with that. That’s something I really force myself to, to really, you know, improve that over the years and be willing to do, just put my ego aside. I feel like it’s really helped in our relationship. Any tips for people who, who struggle with that? I mean, certainly it’s hard to apologize whenever you’re mad.

[25:12] Right? When you’re frustrated, when you’re in the heat of the moment. Tips.

[25:16] Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, we discovered, first of all, about 10% of the total population of this country basically never apologizes. And most of them are men and they learned it from their fathers. Real men don’t apologize. That’s what their father told ’em.

[25:29] We know where their father got that. John Wayne, you know, a great psychologist, John Wayne, real me and don’t apologize. And I say to the guys, you know, your dad probably did the best he could, but if your dad told you that he had bad inform, Real men do apologize. And so, uh, you mentioned it. Yes. If you’re in a angry situation, you’re upset with something that they’ve done, that stimulates your anger.

[25:54] That’s not the time to apologize. That’s the time to call a time-out. Take a walk around the block, talk to yourself. You know, ask yourself, why am I angry? . And is it wrong what they did wrong? Or is it just that they didn’t do it my way? Or why am I angry? And once you can calm down a bit, then come back and talk with a spouse and say, You know, I got very, very angry about that, and maybe I’m reading this thing totally wrong.

[26:23] Can you explain to me why you’ve said what you said or why you did what you did or why you didn’t do? Uh, because it stimulated anger inside of me. And sometimes they can explain it and it’s totally different from what you thought. You read it in the wrong way. And sometimes then they will say, you know, no, you, you should be angry because what I did was wrong and they apologized to you and you forgive them.

[26:46] And now we, you move along. But you know, Jim, my mother told me when I was growing up, when you get angry, don’t say anything or do anything before you count to 10. Now I think my mother was on the right. But I would suggest counting to a hundred or a thousand. ten’s not long enough that calm down. You know, give some thought to what happened and what stimulated your anger, and then go back and try to process it when the temperature has come down.

[27:14] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Any other habits that you see when you work with couples who either have gone from struggling to successful or have been successful over the long haul? Any habits that you notice in those couple?

[27:26] Dr. Gary Chapman: I think first of all, they are typically speaking each other’s primary love language on a regular basis, and I think they are apologizing when they realize that they in anger or whatever, did something to hurt the other person.

[27:39] I call those the two essentials, Jim, that we’ve talked about already. The two essentials to long-term healthy relationships. You can have a long-term marriage without these two. We all know people been married 30 and 40 years, but they’re living like roommates. They don’t have a healthy marriage. They have a long-term marriage, but it’s not healthy.

[27:57] If you’re gonna have a healthy marriage. You have to keep love alive, meet the need for love, and you have to deal with your failures by apologizing and the other person forgiving. So to me, those are the two essentials. And if I had a third, I would throw in anger management. Managing your anger in a positive way rather than letting your anger, your emotional anger.

[28:18] Control you because you make things worse when you let the anger control you.

[28:23] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Dr. Chapman, for the listener who has bought in, maybe they haven’t read the book, maybe they haven’t taken the quiz, that’s probably the next step for them. I mean, what, What would you recommend is an action item for them in the next 24 to 48 hours to start living out some of the stuff that you’ve taught us here?

[28:41] Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, I would say first of all, if you get your hands on the book, The Five Love Languages, read the book because I think you will identify with many of the couples in that book because that book grows out of my interfacing with real people. And I think if you read the book, if both of you read the book, that’s ideal.

[28:59] You know, and then take the quiz and then share the results of the quiz with each other. Here’s my primary, here’s your primary, here’s our secondary, here’s your secondary. Now let’s see if the next three weeks, we can begin speaking each other’s language. And let’s see what happens in our marriage. Really, in three weeks, you can change the emotional climate in your marriage just by doing.

[29:24] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Dr. Chapman, thank you for sharing your own personal success through Failure Story with. Can you tell the listeners how they can find you, follow you by your books, et cetera?

[29:34] Dr. Gary Chapman: Yeah, they can go to five love languages.com, the number five, five love languages.com. They can get a weekly email from me there and a lot of all the other online stuff.

[29:46] And, uh, they can also see my other books, uh, that are listed there. I’ve written out, somebody asked me how many books I’ve written. I said, Honestly, I don’t know. I know it’s over 50. I don’t really know. And on the love languages, of course, we have special editions for blended families and how you love blended children.

[30:04] And you mentioned earlier the five love languages of children. Five love languages of teenagers. There’s one for the teenager, a teens guide to the five Love language. There’s one how it helps in a family where you’ve lost a baby, either by miscarriage or stillbirth, or a young, young baby. How that helps the husband and wife, one for special needs.

[30:23] How do you discover the special needs child love language and one on dementia? Keeping love alive is memories fade. I wrote it with a medical doctor whose wife had that disease. And you know, the love language changes because the brain’s changing, but you still have five ways to dip in and touch them, and the emotional part of the brain is alive to the very end.

[30:45] So anyway, what I’m saying, We’ve applied this to all sorts of family relationships and so anything you’re struggling with in family, we probably have touched on it. Okay. Either one I wrote or, or I coro with someone else. So, but all that’s is at fivelovelanguages.com.

[31:01] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: An amazing set of resources there. Dr. Chapman, thank you for your life’s work. It has impacted me personally and our marriage. It’s impacted our children. We’ve done the love languages with our children and have sat around in the living room and, and talked about it, and talked about everybody’s different love languages, and it’s been just really transformational for our family. So thank you for that.

[31:21] Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, thank you, Jim. I appreciate what you’re doing, and I like your emphasis on making the most of failure. , all of us are acquainted with failure. It’s a matter, are we gonna make the most of it and learn from it? So you keep up the good work. Appreciate what you’re doing.

[31:38] Jim Harshaw, Jr.: Thanks for listening. If you want to apply these principles into your life, let’s talk. You can see the limited spaces that are open on my calendar at JimHarshawJr.com/apply, where you can sign up for a free onetime coaching call directly with me. And don’t forget to grab your action plan. Just go to JimHarshawJr.com/action.

[31:57] And lastly, iTunes tends to suggest podcasts with more ratings in reviews, more. You would totally make my day if you give me a rating in review. Those go a long way in helping me grow the podcast audience. Just open up your podcast app. If you have an iPhone, do a search for success through failure, select it, and then scroll the whole way to the bottom where you can leave the podcast a rating in review.

[32:23] Now, I hope this isn’t just another podcast episode for you. I hope you take action on what you learned here today. Good luck and thanks for listening.

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